Day 8

Morning. Coffee. Beach. Brrr.
I may be the only person I know who enjoys a heat wave. I heard one was coming...
Today seems like it will be nice, there is about 50% blue in the sky and it is brighter than yesterday. It is still early in the morning, but the wind is cold. There are a number of boats out so I will take that as a good sign.

Last night I woke to sounds of gnawing... mice have breached the bedroom! I shouted "go away" in as deep a voice I could muster and set a trap when I got up. It's not something I have done often, surprisingly since I lived in both NYC and country houses, but I have always had a cat. Whatever Jim did to keep the mice at bay has worked for a week. There is a story about a woman who stayed here and killed quite a few mice, documenting their deaths with B&W polaroids and there is a faded one hanging up in the kitchen to prove it.

Day 7

ugh... the weather. Another day of pale, colorless sky.
I am up early today, just a little past what there is of the light... there is no sun to speak of.

I listen to my meditation CD and feel better. I am a solar energy system - without sun I have no energy, no motivation.

Weather be dammed, I am still taking my coffee out to the ocean. In my magenta pants, green wool socks, and red hoodie over my Key West raw bar tank top! *smile* I hope the beach is still deserted I look like I fell out of someone's bad trip. Furthermore, I will put my orange clogs on before setting out.



I saw the seal again.
I think he is messing with me. He turns his head to look at me, watches me each time he dips his head and lifts it again as he swims by, always from right to left.
Perhaps he is afraid of me, maybe rightfully so, I am human. But I do not wear fur or own a club. I wish he would come and play.

I have seen many little animals. A tiny mouse near the kitchen garbage, and before that the dark hindquarters of something, perhaps the mole I saw out by the pump this morning. Same color and movement.
A cute rabbit... many sweet toads. They cheer me up.
Coyote tracks and many birds even a heron or crane.
Before coming here, my son Sam and I saw a bear on our way to High Falls. We stopped to watch it walk across a wide field. When I arrived here I found a book on animal lore and bear symbolizes awakening the power of the unconscious. It relates to all initial stages and primal instincts. Go within for answers. If a bear shows up in your life, it read, ask yourself what is beneficial in your life? Are you not seeing the core of good deep within all situations? is your judgement off?
In reference to the seal: active imagination, creativity and lucid dreaming.

LATER

wash day...ugh! I have to lug 10 gallons of water from the pump to an area at least 100 feet away, so as not to get any suds in the well (even though they are Dr. Bronner's suds...) I am not wearing many clothes. Bathing suit, painting shorts and a t-shirt and undies. After soaping and wringing and hanging I refill my bucket. It's a lovely old tofu bucket, white, leftover from my restaurant owning days. The water is so full of iron it's a reddish orange color, more so against the white plastic bucket. I used the solar shower today, it was too cold yesterday. Mmmmm, I feel clean and my clothes are clean.

Painted quite a bit. I work on several things at once, so it takes awhile before I finish anything and then usually I finish a few at the same time. At the same time, I try to make some smaller, faster pieces so I have a sense of completion while working on my larger more labor intensive paintings. I picked some rosehips and made some little watercolors and drawings of them.



The day has cleared up. The sky has turned blue. Windy, but sunny. I like this loft bedroom, it is bright and airy and with its peaked ceiling and my mosquito net tent I feel a bit like I am camping.

Day 6

I have an interesting burst of inspiration...I simply must begin each day by walking to the beach, with my coffee of course. Listening to the sounds of the surf helps to get rid of the junk and noise in my head.

I draw in the sand, making shapes, adding stones, arranging pebbles by color.

I come back to the shack to make my breakfast and pump more water. I began to look at and really see abstract shapes and textures around me. Dark green ovals of bush arranged against a pale beige-green grassy hill...the door with it's nails and rusty tin metal against the aged wood. Rust, white, oxidation, grey.

Oval knots in green mossy railroad ties.

Copper-patina green-blue behind the solar shower.

It is quite cold today. It was warm earlier, but now in the late afternoon, it is chilly. I prefer it warm, even hot. I would not want to be here in the winter.

When night begins to fall I get restless, unmotivated; even a bit bored. Too dark to paint, too light for kerosene lanterns.
I read.
I think I see a mouse run across the living room floor. I only see the back end of something...not sure what.

It is raining again. The antenna from the radio falls off the shelf to the ground. The cell phone vibrates on the table and scares the hell out of me.

Day 5

Back from town...hooray!
It is raining but ok. Today is the day the "Art Walk in the Dunes" comes to visit, but I am not sure they are still coming in the rain. If they do, it will be much later in the day, around 4 or 5 this afternoon.

I am decompressing, but it is an easier transition. I feel good, tuned in to my surroundings.

Later:

It is still raining, but I put on a great, big, red rain poncho Sig lent me and walked to the ocean. I must have looked to the planes flying over my head like a big, plastic Red Riding Hood scurrying over the dunes . I wonder if the artwalk is still coming...I doubt it. It is still warm out, but quite wet.

I cooked up some black beans and will eat them with some cheese, salsa, corn tortillas and chicken sausage for my dinner. For lunch I made a lovely little goat cheese, smoked salmon, tomato on sourdough sandwich...such luxury for so rustic a dwelling.

Later still:




Did some painting. Two loose, wet, glossy figs, prepared a canvas or two and worked on a large drawing, the layered one with the mouth vaginas and egg eyeballs.

Bedtime comes so early for me here. It is still light out and I am in bed reading by the light of my battery operated Coleman. I did get up rather early today back in town...it seems so long ago. Ann had gotten up around 6 am to go for a bike ride and I find it hard to go back to sleep once I wake in the morning.

I was reading downstairs on the couch, but heard some gnawing noises and thought it was probably a mouse I am not yet ready to meet, and besides, it is lighter up here in my loft bedroom.

No Artwalk today. I was actually looking forward to it.

Day 4

Spent the night at the Boatslip Inn with Ann, Tash and Sig. We shopped, ate and hiked back to the shack. Had some wine and cheese, fruit and Pirate's Booty and then went up over the dune to the beach. Later, we walked back to town to see that bio-pic on Edith Piaf, Ma Vie En Rose...sad, dark, and oddly put together in a chronological sense, but beautifully acted and filmed.

We did go to the Tea Dance for a bit...lots of gorgeous men dancing to disco music! It made us feel a bit like moms on vacation! I think we might have been the only women staying there. The next morning we met a very sweet, very hungover guy from Ireland, who apparently had a pretty amazing, transformative year having gone back to Ireland and come out to his very large family.

Oh, and I did get to eat some yummy clams with a nice, cold glass of Sancerre at Bubula's On The Bay.

Day 3 later...

One of the secrets of this place, for me, is that I am slowing down - amazing how difficult that is. I thought it would happen more quickly, lol. How funny! Of course, SLOWLY you slow down.

I painted some more today. Felt a rhythm. I think standing by the ocean this morning, with my eyes closed, listening to the surf - was a meditation and a centering, a good way to begin the day.

In a way, it is too bad I have to leave soon to walk to town...in another way it is good this is happening so early in my time here. I can pick up some needs in town-provisions and some art supplies that the gals are bringing up from my studio. My son Sam put together a package for me. I would love to eat some clams...

I will have much uninterrupted time after this short book club visit. We are going to a Tea Dance in P'town at the Boatslip Inn. Not sure what a Tea Dance is, but Tom said it would be wild!

My lovely little shack, I find it hard to leave you.

Day 3

I wrote this poem yesterday.

It rained last night, it POURED last night! I felt the shack move in the wind. No thunder, just beating rain. I wondered if it would ever stop, but it is morning and it is cool, and a bit greyer than usual, but birds are singing and there is no rain. Today I walk to town to meet the gals from Book club. Tash, Ann and Sig are coming up and staying in town at a place Tom referred to as party central. Lol.

Ok, ready for one of my favorite rituals so far, carrying my cup of coffee to the beach.